unable

Many have fallen by the edge of the sword; but not so many as have fallen by the tongue.

Ecc 28:18

After roaming the earth for more than eighteen years, we people should have learnt, at least something. We all have our family, at least our father and mother. Some of us are not as lucky as others, they didn't get to spend too much time with their family members. For very sure, father and mother, both of them should be there for their children when their children needed them. None of us in this world can replace the role of parents of others. They are essential.

Actually, what's the role of a father in a family? Traditionally speaking, a father earns money, take care of his wife, talk with his children. A mother will make sure the home is being cleaned everyday, her husband is being taken good care of and she had spent enough time with her children. In between luxurious life and joyful life, which will you choose? It's not really an option though.

I wanted live luxuriously, at the same time happily. I hoped, I wished, I wanted my father to be with me when I need him. My wish is not accomplished. Not even once. He earns money for this family, so do my mother. He is a graduate of university, but did he talk to me nicely? Yea, there's once he did that, when there's something wrong and he tried to do something to get back what he wanted. I do respect you, as a businessman, a successful one. But, do you know that I really didn't feel like you are a father? I feel more depressed when I really can't help myself to feel that. So, maybe it's also my fault? Dad, you did it over and over again. Did you know that I'm just a human being? You didn't know that. You didn't know how fragile or how strong I am. Even thought I'm named as your son, but you never know any single thing about me.

Spm results out. I was so nervous when I open that envelope. I was so nervous when I'm getting ready to tell mummy about my results. But, now only I realized that I never thought of telling you. I was stunned. And I laughed at myself. Where is my father? He isn't dead. He's alive. There are so many people regretting that they didn't treat their father nice enough when their fathers were still alive. And what am I doing here? Taking things for granted and not being appreciative? But, I was more terrified when I found out that, I didn't purposely hide something from you, you just didn't appear in my mind. I'm worried when I realize that you faded out of my mind, with nothing linger. Where are you, father?