left in vain

i have it clear in my mind, it is a very fault since it starts.

what should i expect? i know neither you nor me is for each other.

you attracted me, very much. and that's why you are able to left me in vain.

you can block me again, as you did it before.

however, this time, you are not blocking me so soon, simply because you really don't recognize me anymore?

i don't mean to fake or pretend, i just want to talk to you. but, when i'm talking to you with this sureal identity, i felt guilty, i can't control my emotion. there is a very vigorous reaction within me.

we don't have much memories to be recalled, but you are never out of my mind.

i don't know why you are attractive. just because of your physical appearance?

i have no idea what i'm thinking now.

do i want you to block me? or i want you to keep talking with me with an unknown identity of me?

you didn't block me, maybe it's simply because you have really forgotten me.

i knew how tiny i am. always, i am.

my life sucked without you.

the last time

listened to a song just now. actually i had have this song about one year ago, and i listened to it.

however, sometimes, this is life. we never realize something had been with us since such long time ago, and it stayed with us for such long time.

few days before mothers' day, the counselling department had prepared a special perfomance.

they arranged some students that have family problems to go up on the stage to share about their experiences and talk to us about how precious parents should be.

christabel sang a song, in chinese it is called the last time.

her sharing captured everyone attending the assembly.so, many of my friends started to talk about that song. they didn't do it before she sang it.

so, i knew that that song is sang by a 17 years old girl. she composed that song.

yes, the lyrics are meaningful. so i got one illegal copy from my friend. this is sinful right.

so, i mean, the song is very nice. and the lyrics are very touching.

but, just now, i opened my old playlists in my vaio, and the mesmerizing melody flows into my ears. hmm.. this song is so familiar. the last time? i never realize i have already got this song.

yes, some times, many things are with us all the time. but, we never take it as something precious.

only when other people talked about it, only we have started to notice its presence.

no, never take things for granted. and, nothing should be taken for granted.

love yourself, love your life, love everything beside you.

they are, precious.

the emcee of 06062009

the sixth of june of 2009, this is the day i really stepped on a stage, and felt how nothing i am compared to the huge stage, and also how much i can do, on this stage.

i remember that teacher zj said that she always feel weird to write a blog, to let every one sees how she feels. so i suggested her to open a new blog, where no one knows her. she agreed with me.

so, i think, this is what i'm doing now. no one will see this right?

who cares? i just want to take down something which is remarkable in my life here. i will be happy if some one is leaving me a comment though.

so, back to the sixth of june. that night is the night of the grand occasion, SJ wind band concert.

it is considered grand, i think.

at least, for me to be the english emcee of a concert of 1000++ people attending, it's my very first time.

at first, i'm lacking confidence in doing it.

so i really want to thank mister kenneth, teacher zj, mister huckaik, mister cheonglin, teacher avelyn and so many so many people, there is really too much to appreciate.

they have helped me, in many ways.

thanks yirou, it's quite nice to have a task with you.

thanks teacher zj, you did almost everything you can during our preparations.

thanks mister kenneth, you helped me in my pronounciation, my terrible grammar mistakes, and also the pack of kfc which saved me from starving.

thanks mister huckaik, you really made this concert so nice, just because you are strict enough. also,you are really talented, you are fabulous!

thanks mister cheonglin, you guided me when i'm preparing my manuscript.

thanks teacher avelyn, don't know what to say, sometimes you just calm me down.

thanks yinswan, although the make up is not really nice, still thanks for making it for me. the foundation is somehow not even.hmm..

thanks simei, you really helped them so much. you helped me too.

thanks mummy, you gave me much stress though.

last but not least, thanks jesus, you are my light of the light. you have lighten me up that night. my shining glamour is from you. it is all from you.

really thanks so many people, you gave me the strength to keep holding on.

i'm really so happy for being the emcee of the concert.

throughout this six years of my high school moments, i think this concert is the biggest event i have been participating, and having such important role in it. the ENGLISH EMCEE!! lol..glory to my lovely jesus.

i don't know how to describe how happy i am.

when the principal told me, ' the directors were asking me if you are a teacher. so i asked them, does he look like a teacher?and they answered no. and they said, but his pronounciation is so good and his slang is very nice. so then, i pointed at your mummy and told them, she is the english emcee's mummy. '

when i heard these, i'm really so gay.

at least, i did something today.

at least, in my six years of high school times, i had a very remarkable night!

i love ya, Shen Jai High School!

thanks wind band and penang state symphonic band.

p/s: love ya,estee. can't imagine that such good singer like you, can be so humble and requested to take photo with the emcees. you are just, very nice!!

the sixth of june of 2009, i will remember this day in my entire life.