weight of acceptance

So, this is inspired by a friend miss CamwHore. She made a statement at that midnight, ' I just feel special about this guy, can you imagine how did he feel at that time? Although his parents accepted him for now, but can you imagine what's his feelings when his parents actually done those things to him? They treated him like an alien.' How true? I'm not going to blame any parents or any person here, it is definitely reasonable, we all have something that is beyond our limit, we all have someone that we think it's worth for us to try to extend our limits we set in the past. How does the parents feel when they discovered that their sons and daughters are doing something which they can't really accept anyone else doing it? And now, congratulations, they get to know that their sons and daughters are doing the same thing too. Seriously, you don't expect someone to just accept you after getting to know such a big surprise. Sadly, you got to be treated as alien, how unfair that you don't get to get some comfort when you actually stood out to tell your parents about something you have hid for so long. But, aren't we suppose to appreciate it as well? They really paid some efforts to accept the truth. Looking at myself, what will be the case? One thing about me, I will never tell lies, if you asked me about it, then I will tell you about it. Of course, for some people, the concealing of the truth is just the same as lies. But, I very much believe in the principle that somethings, they are really better left untold to somebody at sometimes. Isn't it true? I don't want to imagine what will be your reaction, but I always prepared for the worst. So, if you actually asked me, I guess that means that you have prepared to know about it? Of course, the weight of acceptance does apply on me as well. I'm not someone to judge if I'm wrong or not, but I'll tell you, I've tried, and this is what I'm doing now, take me as a whole, or else, really, fuck off. Because I want you to know, I paid my effort as well, it's time for you to do something for me now. Demanding? But I'm just trying to make it fair. No matter what, I do look forward until the time when you question me. That's going to be a big step I'm very sure, but it could be in either forward or backward direction, I know, and I want to know which will it be.

38

Flipping through the pages, and he lost his sight between the lines again. He's been often trying so hard to focus on the book, but nevertheless still failed every single time. Distraction of the circumstances or distraction from his strong desires, who knows. But, seriously, who doesn't desire for something which is usually unattainable? 38 days, he knows very well how near it is, but he is still looking at whatsapp, social networks and his phone. He wants nothing specifically, but he wants something. A text, a date or a hook up. And he forced himself to look back to the book again. 38 days, how free you think you are? Just one minute after that, the same cycle goes on and on, till he realized that it is the time to hit the sack. And yes, one day is going to pass, which means the figure will drop to 37 days. We'll see?

whatcha' want

You always tend to set a number of rules down, but how many of them have you actually followed? You think that you are rational, but how many times you really think before you make a decision? You always think that you know what you want, but ask yourself, what do you want? There is really nothing much there, if you could ever stop imagining and indulge in your own fantasy, you will realize that there is not really something. Can you just be more rational? I always hate you for this reason. Why do you want to make promises to yourself when you know that you are going to break it? You are the one who makes your words to be meaningless. Your talk is definitely cheap, simply because you never hold on to it. There is no point in doing so, so tell me, what do you want? You are just going to get nothing, NOTHING.

Realization

Realization, it always bring relieves. No matter good or bad the outcome is, there is no more nervousness; there is no more disturbance. If the result is bad, it might as well just hurt you for a while, all we need is time, because we know everything is there for a reason, and everything does happen for a reason. We always act to be stubborn wishing that someday in so what ever manner, what we desire will come back to us. But, seriously, ask yourself, the person you love, they will leave you one day, or touch wood, you might leave them one day; the things that you are obsessive towards, they might just not belong to you or they might not belong to you for ever, is there anything you can do about it? Yes, we will pretend to be so stubborn and persistent that we need them in our lives, but ask yourself once again, why do we want to insist something to happen? Why are we not following the flow? We often think that we are trying to make everyone feel better, but the process, is it not hurtful? Everyone needs to learn to let go, because no matter what, at the moment when you close your eyes, you do not really have a choice. Hatred and envious make things ugly, we often tend to show our angers when we fail. However, we must know, and this is a lesson to learn, not everything that we like have to be ours; not everything that we want it to be should be. There is always a plan, for all, for everything. Learn to realize, learn to accept and you will be relieved. This is how life should be. See, I am happy now. I am a happy boy. Smiling wide. :D

mentality mentality mean mean mentality

sorry sorry sorry and I am really sorry.

This will be such a disappointment to you.

I will try to change.

I know, this is not right.

Please give me a little time, I will stop myself from doing so.

I thought I am persistent, but why I am not when facing this.

Oh, please :(

I see the beauty now

I love it back here :)

Everything can be simple and nice.

Having you around me, is the best thing ever.

I may be uncontentious sometimes, but I always appreciate you and that is true.

I am really sorry for every hurt that I have made.

Until I experienced it, I realize how beautiful it is back here :)

11 hours with CaraMel.

We both know that there will be nothing in the end, we always try not to expect the impossibility within the impossibility -- bigger expectation brings bigger disappointment. However, we just want to have fun, and this is the 11 hours. We met each other at twelve, you came to pick me up. We went for dimsum, I do not really know how you felt, but I enjoyed having it with you. As usual, after our meal, we went back to your apartment. It was truly relaxing. Feeling a little bit dizzy, lying on the bed in an air-conditioned room, everything was just nice. As usual, we had our little intimate moment and the burning pleasure. I guess we both enjoyed, we just quenched each other's thirst. We lied on the bed after the session, I have to admit, it feels good. And at some point of time, I do think that I am not fit enough to indulge in such a game, if I am ever going to fall for you, even a little, I lost the game. We, no matter how, it is not going to work, I should know that good enough, but how to remind myself to be rational when I am so irrational? I wish I know. You started doing a bit of research and let me choose a movie. We watched Billy Elliot at last. I got to say I really like this movie. The story line, the characters and the way they filmed it were so beautiful. And I like this message of the movie -- Your dream, yourself and your life. You have to choose what you actually want, that is the only way to, not to achieve your dream, but at least to chase your dream. After few hours of rest in the room, you prepared me baked potato. You are a good cook and I have no doubt of that, and honestly that is one of the reasons why I actually like you in person. And one of the nicest things of the day, chicken pate, rich and creamy. Again, you are a good cook. Together with white wine, it is good, nice and indulging. We did not really do much, but just like that we spent this 11 hours. I thought I can be rational, but this just makes me want you more. But, I know, why do I need to let myself in, there is no possibility, CaraMel. I know, and you are not to be blamed.